Joshua's Dream. Directed, shot and edited by myself.
Film
Spoken Testimonial
“Joshua’s Dream is an autobiographical retelling of a young black boy at a top British international ballet school as he essentially maneoevers his way through a world that wasn’t set up for him. And the nuances and the subtleties of the inequality and otherness that is imposed upon him throughout his time there. Following the journey that he goes on to reach the outcome of him deciding to choose his sanity and his eventual peace. Thereon gaining access to a world that incorporates this and provides him with the freedom to express himself in the way that I have now. It is a story that is sad in ways. It is a story of a boy at an institution that he felt would help him achieve his dreams. It very much did, but translating unexpectedly to the way that it eventually came to fruition. The main idea I hoped that audiences took away from this piece was that we are not bound to stay in a place where you aren’t fulfilled. There is almost no worst place to exist for the soul. There is so much life that exists beyond this. It takes coming to terms with those feelings, checking in with yourself. Audaciously existing within this virtual space. You don’t always need to exist within reality; Existing within your dreams, within that perfect place you envisage within your mind. And doing everything in your power to reach the stage where embodying your curated fairytale is the truest form of self.”
Project Description
The captures below show the shimmers of the dreamlike world within the film. Throughout the film there are these moments of alternate reality in which the character exists. A motif, representation of his inner psyche finding sanctuary from the outside world. Within this space there is a freedom to his movement, a place that he can exist without being gazed upon by others.
The leading intention of this project was to evoke feelings of isolation, and internal torment. Just as I felt whilst at vocational ballet school. Acting as an autobiographical retelling of a feeling in time, once felt, that could be expressed best through creating a world outside of this one.
I began by exploring movement on my own body that I felt would depict the inner confusion as to what I was feeling whilst at the school.
However, it had at this point been some time since living this experience, so this exercise was particularly useful in finding movement motifs that aligned with my narrative.
From the beginning I was aware that I wanted the film to exist within an alternate space, as if to represent the compartmentalisation of this experience in my memory. This was going to be quite difficult with the equipment I had available at the time. But I looked at how lighting mixed with abstract spaces can create this feeling of virtual reality.
Visually, I knew I wanted the narrative to follow a non-classical structure.
These moments within the film represent this ‘other space’. Snippets within the narrative that exist intimately within the characters mind.
It represents the magical qualities of the ballet world, that exist within the high pressured environment.
The poem at the end of the film represents the words I was trained to never express, the emotions that were never given the liberty to see the light of day.
The problem with ‘otherness’ is that it is not an inherited feeling. It is something that is learnt and taught through our formative years. The character and my own dream was to be seen as equal, to be seen as a dancer before all else.
The decision to leave the most prestigious ballet school in the world may seem like an unfortunate one. Yet it lays within the sentiment of leaving situations (if one can) that no longer serve you in the way they once did. Those that no longer encompass joy. The joy that I have gone on to experience many times in my life beyond this chapter. In full colour, in full 3D.
The incorporation of archival footage of world famous male ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev were used to provide history and context to the world in which the film is set. The line ‘Not even my icons looks like me’ highlight the lack of representation (at the time I was a student) within the ballet world that I was so desperate to conquer. The understanding that the dancers I had to look up to, looked nothing like me, and would not be able to envisage my personal lived-experience.
Using overlays to visualise the disconnect between the characters imagination and his reality.
An image of myself from my graduation photoshoot, 2018.
